You Don’t Mess With the Zohan…No really…don’t

It was a hot day. A really hot day. I had the afternoon off and Julie and I discussed how to spend it. It being so hot I suggested that we nix anything that has to be outside. It was then suggested that we go to the theatre and see a movie. An air conditioned summer film would be perfect for a day like this. Of course there was nothing really of interest and I was in the mood for something stupid and simple, as was she, so I suggest the new Adam Sandler comedy You Don’t Mess With the Zohan.
I haven’t seen an Adam Sandler comedy in the theatre since Anger Management. That was the first time I realized a comedian that I once admired as a youth had lost what I found so amusing in the first place. It was that silly, “I don’t care how dumb this I thing it’s funny”, attitude that I loved as a high school kid in movies like Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore and the Wedding Singer. I even enjoyed the Waterboy. Something happened somewhere and his movies become more concerned with how many celebrity cameos he could fit in or let’s make this dumb movie have a message of some sort at the end.
When I saw the trailer for this movie I thought it looked dumb, really dumb , and that is what appealed to me. I thought awesome. A stupid adam sandler movie, that’s all I want. I also noticed it was co-written by Robert Smigel and Judd Apatow and I love both of their work. I was hoping that this was going to be a dumb stupid movie that had some fun laughs in it.
It wasn’t.
What we get here is something that is also a problem with I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, which I caught on cable some time ago. It’s like he wants to make a dumb movie but then realizes how dumb, and pretty offensive, it is. Then a tacky message like “Can’t we all just get along?” is tacked on which ends up just offending everyone in  the long run. Just make a dumb movie. It’s ok.
There are a few random laughs in the films and they belong to the ridiculous things, like the Zohan banging old ladies is funny too watch, Nick Swardson’s character is funny too. Everything else falls flat. The celebrity cameos, the jokes, the whole “message” of the film doesn’t work and it is slightly embarrasing. Adam take a look at what worked in the past. Do something dumb and don’t have any shame in it. I guaratee you at least the junior high audience will re-embrace you once again.

The Strangers

I saw the film The Strangers the other night and felt compelled to give a review for it.  I am going to discuss the movie in detail so don’t continue reading if you don’t want it spoiled for you. However if you don’t plan on seeing the movie or don’t care than continue reading, I would suggest the former.

The Strangers starts off pretty good. I am not talking about the very beginning with the proposal and stuff. I am talking about when the scary stuff happens because according to plot none of that stuff really mattered anyway. So we get this couple who are away in the house far away and what was supposed to be a night of romantic proposing turns into a night a rejection. Whatever so they, Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman, are all awkwardly hanging out at this house in the middle of nowhere.
There is a knock at the door. Creepy girl askes if some one is there they say she isn’t and she go the wrong house. Creepy girl comes bac, she is joined by two mask wearing psychopaths who hunt and torment said couple until at the end SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER They kill themEND SPOILER!
Wow, that sounds like quite the simple but yet suspenseful movie Timmy Wood.
And it almost was.
You see when things start to get creepy the movie really is really creepy. It starts with the girl and then there is the shot, which is in the trailer, where Liv Tyler is smoking and the guy just slowly walks behind her. In the film her does that and just stands there and it is scary as hell. My audience was freaking the fuck out over it. I don’t know how long that scene was but it seemed so long the way the audience kept screaming. I thought to myself “Man if he keeps this up this could be a good scary movie”
By he I mean Bryan Bertino the writer and director of the picture.
“How awesome” I thought “To have someone who wants to creat a mood and tone to make a movie scary as opposed to a series of jump scares.”
Unfortunately that is exactly what happened afterwards. The movie just turns into one cheap jump scare after another. No more of the creepy tone or mood just quick editing shots with loud music all designed to make you jump.
So then I am thinking “Ok. This is not going to be that type of movie. Let’s just see where this story goes maybe it will still redeem itself when we figure out who are these Strangers.”
But the story goes nowhere.  We never find out why these Strangers target this couple. We never know who they are or even what they look like. All they say is they are doing it because “You were home.” That’s what makes it so scary Timmy Wood. It was just a random act of violence it could happen to anybody. You are right that is scary. That is scary if you see it in a newspaper clipping or on the news or heard about from someone you knew. It is not scary for a movie though. Why not? Because the audience wants a pay off or an ending. We want to know why the hell are these things happening. That is what makes it a great story.
Then there is the ending ending which is the cheapest part of the movie. Two Mormon boys( I assumed they were mormon, they could have been Jehovah’s witness, christian, whatever) find the house and see the carnage and dead bodies of the night before. As one reaches over Liv Tyler to cop a feel, I think I have no idea what else he would be reaching for, she opens her eyes and screams. This scene was only put there to have one more jump right before the credits. So cheap. So cheap!
Grrr. I am more upset because this film looked like it had a glimmer of potential and then it all went down hill.
I would skip out on it, go watch the original Funny Games instead.